It's Go Time...!!

Simply put, tomorrow is our first IUI procedure!!!!!! :) :) 

I am sooooooo over-the-moon excited... beyond excited... I was practically jumping up and down at school for most of the day today (or I was on the inside anyway)! :) :) :) 

Ok, so let me back track and fill in some of the blanks and tell about my past week. 

If you read my last post, being on Clomid last week was quite a trip. Day 2 of really having it in my system was near awful. I was so excited to be done with it, and finished it up on Sunday night~ Wahoo!! Hit the road, sucker! Buh-bye 'til next time, Clomid! ;) 

This past week was pretty uneventful, on the fertility front anyway. I had to patiently wait til today for monitoring... but I was pretty anxious ALL week long. Then, finally, Thursday night arrived!! I got my trigger shot out of the fridge (a shot that I would have to inject into my stomach at some point before the IUI procedure to help release the egg follicle? Idk what it does 100% really, but it's super important and it had to stay refrigerated.... and I had to bring it with me to the clinic this morning in case it was to be given then). So I prepped that in a lunch bag cooler last night, threw it in fridge, and anxiety instantly set in. I was so nervous/anxious/excited that I felt like I was gonna throw up. I can't believe it's almost here!! 

I was freaking out all week with all kinds of crazy paranoid questions and "What If..." scenarios. I rarely come up with questions for Drs.... but I'm pretty sure I'm setting a new record for the "crazy/neurotic/paranoid/annoying patient" at the clinic. All kinds of crazy things have popped into my head that I'll email our patient coordinator. Yikes I feel weird but they've been good about it! LOL... This week my fear was that I would ovulate before my monitoring appt today. Then we'd miss the chance and lose a month. They said it can happen but usually is timed really well. I was so afraid I would be that one person who went early (when I NEVER go early... usually am late), but I feared it. Clomid and acupuncture would probably set it early. So the only way to really calm myself (aside from peeing on a stick for ovulation predictors), I took my temp each morning this week to see where I was at. Each day it was like clearing a new hurdle. 

Luckily it stayed level all week, even this morning. PHEW!! 

Up at 5am again, I was ready to leave at 6 and off to the clinic. I got there just before 7 and was #4 in line (10 had showed up by the time I was called in... busy day!). I was quickly called in for blood work (becoming a pro now!) and then went in for my ultrasound/follicle scan. While in there, I smiled and laughed because the machines are apparently named and this one was Belle, from Beauty and the Beast... c'mon, for the Disney nut in me, how appropriate is that?! ;) I asked if they're all Disney princesses and they said yes, the others are Ariel and Jasmine. Awesome. I'll take that as a cool sign! 

Follicle scan showed that my uterus lining is great (too thin isn't good) and that I have one good-sized follicle on the right side... good to go for IUI on Sunday morning...

YAYYYY!!!!! :) :) 

I was all smiles and super excited to pass the next test/round. The nurse said I would do the trigger shot at home tonight, between 7 and 9 pm, and showed me how to do it. I even asked her to mark the spot for me because I would likely forget or freak about it, so she drew a circle in pen to the left of my belly button. Talk about no guessing... self injection for dummies. ;) She assured me I would do fine and it would be quick and easy... it's a tiny needle, it's all pre-measured, and I would be fine. I was already mentally pumping myself up to do it myself. 

Then I was off to school/work and luckily showed up only 5 mins late, and SUPER excited. Literally everyone I passed in the hall could tell I was on a happiness high and had good news. I've been so open with anyone and everyone at work and they all know our history and what's happening. So now it was written all over my face as I was bouncing through the hallways and filling in my best friends at work all through the day. :) Fun stuff!! 

During morning recess, one of my little sweet pea kindergarteners made me a card. After recess, she walked to her seat and casually tossed it on my desk, smiled, and kept walking. It said "To Mrs Ricci.... From Victoria" and this was the pic...

While I know this may not look like much to many people, or maybe simply triangles or mountains... all I saw was pink & blue (baby colors). She wouldn't give a reason for making it, she just smiled and blushed. Another good sign of the day... the rest I'll share in another post bc there are too many. 

Now here comes the really cool twist of fate... or so I believe. 

Fast forward to the afternoon. The kids are having snack and I'm talking with our classroom aide. I'm walking around the room handing out snacks, talking to the kids and to the aide, and then come over to sit at my desk with my aide.  I don't normally have her in the room in the afternoon (2 random times a week for afternoons) and I usually keep my phone behind my desk with my things. But today, I had her and my phone happened to be on my desk because I had just been on it during my break the previous class period. The MOMENT I sat down, my phone rang (it's on silent so I wouldn't have heard/seen it if was in the usual spot) and it was the clinic. I answered immediately without hesitation (not typical for me, being in class) and it was the nurse from this morning with an update...

Nurse: I just got your blood test results and it shows you're starting to ovulate on your own!

Me: Ahhhh!! OMG! What does that mean? Do we miss it? Will we miss it? (excited/panicked) Ahhh!! (LOL)

Nurse: You should come in tomorrow for the IUI instead of Sunday... and you need to go do your trigger shot NOW.

Me: Omg Omg Omg... Ok. Done! OMG. Yay!! Thank you! 

(The rest is a complete blur and I probably left out some parts. I don't even remember saying goodbye- hopefully I didn't just hang up on her!- and the next 15 mins passed so quickly it was like being in a tornado with the Tasmanian devil in Looney Tunes.)

Ok, so now excitement sets in even more! It's all a blur but I gathered my aide knew what was happening from the phone call, and as I was trying to explain it all, she was just like "Go, Go!! I've got it... go!" She stayed with the class and I ran down to the nurse's office. We were both super excited and it was just happening so fast. 

My meds were packed safely in a lunch cooler, tucked in the fridge in the nurse's office (just something I happened to do in the morning because a few parents and kids were near the teacher fridge when I arrived and I wanted to hide it). So luckily the nurse already knew what it was and it saved me explaining time. I ran down to her office, and called Scott on the way to tell him the day and time was changed and that I had to trigger now!! I get to the nurse, explain quickly about the new game changer and ask if she can help... No scratch that, I think I begged. I could have done it, but having her there made it so much easier. I've known her for most of my life so I'm totally comfortable with her. We both were excited and I didn't even have time to think about what was about to happen. We were mumbling different things to each other and just excited and adrenaline kicked in. Here's some of what I remember: 

Me: SOOO, in a weird twist of events, the office called and said I need to do the show NoW bc I'm going to ovulate on my own! Can you help me? Do you mind? 

School Nurse: OMG! Yes! How exciting! I can't believe it's happening! Yes, of course! 

Me: I was all prepped to do it tonight, and was pumping myself up mentally. I was going to watch the video online but now I have no time and don't wanna mess up or hesitate! Ahh!! 

Nurse: Is it sub-q or I-m? (Or something like that- some acronyms I didn't know!)

Me: umm- what?? I have NO idea what those mean! I don't know! :( (although NOW I know- you learn something new every day! haha)

Nurse: where is it going? Muscle, where?

Me: oh! In my belly... I even have it circled (lol... Dork)... Right here! 

Nurse: ok, sub-cutaneous. In the fatty part, not intramuscular. (Ah ha!... Plus I googled it later.. Thanks Dr Google!) What's even in this? What is it?

Me: idk, just do it!

(We're both giddy and laughing... Scrambling to get it done ASAP)

Me: ok so the nurse showed me and all we gotta do is get rid of the air bubble, clean the spot, wait 30 secs so it doesn't sting, and go! 

Nurse: I don't think I've ever watched the clock a full 30 seconds but we will! Too funny! (She knows I'm a basket case about certain things... And a baby when it comes to this stuff). Ok here we go...

Me: (standing in her office, with my dress up- thank god for leggings!!... I must have looked ridiculous!).... I'm not gonna watch but ok let's go! 

Nurse: ok, done! That's it! 

Me: that's it?! Are you sure? Did it all go in? You got it all? Wow! That was fine! Ahh!! (Super excitedly)

Nurse: yup! Got it all, see? That's it!

Me: (hugging her) thank you! Thank you! OMG! 

Nurse: this is so exciting, Stace! ...and wow, this is a first!! Ha! (Giving fertility med injection at school- lol). 

Me: wow, I can't believe that just happened! I didn't even have time to freak out about it! So exciting! And now it saves me time from freaking out at home... I prob should have watched. Oops. Oh well, over and done! Ahh! 

That's how I remember it. And it all happened so quickly. No time to even snap a few pics to document the event or show how brave I was! It's all so crazy to me. The timing of everything. The fact that I chose last min to put the meds in her fridge so she already knew about it... The timing of the phone call... The change in days for the iui. It's all so funny to me and I can't help but smile at it all. 

So that was that, and trigger was done... I excitedly flew/bounced around the building updating the few close friends I could find, then calmed down and returned to my class, who was now listening so nicely to a story read by the aide. She is a lifesaver. And possibly a good luck charm. I would have been able to find her to fill in if needed but it was so much easier since she was already there with me. Saved time and explaining. 

So now I'm ok cloud 9 and it hasn't stopped. I hope it never stops. I went to acupuncture after school and was feeling myself and very zen, positive, happy, and relaxed. It's all going to be ok. I just feel it. 

So today (it's now Saturday morning as I finish up the post I started last night), Scott and I will go to the Norwalk office, about an hour and a half from home. That's where they have our donor sperm frozen so we only have to go to this office for IUIs. Off we go soon, for a 10am IUI. Can't even explain how excited I am, but here's a visual for those who know me best. I texted Scott's mom last night to tell her how I'm "soooo freakin excited!! I was bouncing around all day with excitement, just like on wedding day" (at our wedding ceremony, I was SO happy that I was literally beaming and bouncing up and down!). She said something to the effect of "That's my sweet Tigger" (because, duh, he bounces with excitement and he's one of my fav Pooh characters... Scott loves Pooh, I love Tigger), so it was very appropriate for how I am when I'm feeling on top of the world (Imagine Dragons "On Top of the World" song comes to mind... Which played twice in car yesterday). 

My abdomen/ovary area definitely feels active. Left side hurts a little from the injection site, but nothig crazy. Right side feels fluttery because it's almost go time. :) all very welcomed feelings! 

This will be my last detailed play-by-play update until we are pregnant, whenever that may be. If it takes a long time and we encounter more hurdles, I will eventually post that, but my plan is to now keep it between Scott and I moving forward. It's kind of like we are now back on even playing field with the rest of the world who does it the "natural" way, with no fertility complications. The only difference is we need to go to the Dr office to monitor, get some meds, use some donor sperm, and get some medical assistance. Otherwise it's just like starting all over again, so to make that easy for others to understand and respect, it's like starting over and I can just flatly say "we are trying to have a baby". We are back in the "trying" stage and that feels great! 

I've been so open with everyone because I needed to be for support. I needed to tell everyone who was interested bc I wanted to share, needed to share, and it's just what I do, I let people in and share my life story. But now, it's about me and Scott. So I won't be answering any questions from outsiders so that I don't feel pressured to gIveevery update or jinx anything when I do get pregnant. I don't want everyone to know right away bc I'm scared of losing it and  having everyone know. 

Most people ask out of genuine care and curiosity and I know they mean well, but a few people in diff parts of my life ask every week or so how it's going (please do NOT feel guilty if this is you... I guarantee the people I mean aren't even reading this so don't worry!) and it's hard bc now that I've told everyone, how do I back track? If if was 2 years ago and we had no issue, everyone wouldn't know... Only a few close friends would. So I want it to be back like that. It may not happen the first time, but then again it may. You never know. But I struggled with how to handle this and what to do when everyone starts to ask after this weekend bc it's been so public. Then the answer came to me as clear as day, from my BFF Alli (Shmalli) :) She sent me this text out of the blue yesterday...

Simply put... She is INCREDIBLE and it's clear why I love her and why she's one of my favorite people Ever. Immediately I knew what to do and what to say to others. She didn't even know I was internally struggling with this. So I started to plant the seed in everyone's mind and send that message yesterday. I felt perfectly at ease with it and I ask that everyone respectfully not ask us how it's going or ask for updates, unless it's been like 6-8 months with no announcement. Everyone knows the timing so I'm sure people will pick up on symptoms or clues I can't help, but that's it. (Keep in mind tho, I pee a million times a day anyway, not pregnant... So that will def not be a sign to watch for. Haha!) We'll tell our inner circle early on and that's it. The rest we will wait for the safe zone of 12/13 weeks after the first trimester. I'll blog about other things or Ttc things but nothing super specific until the time is right. Hopefully that is sooner than later but we will see. It's mostly out of our hands, so I have to give it to God and those loved ones up above who I know are looking down on us, smiling and helping however they can. So here on out, I would appreciate prayers, positive thoughts, texts, support, and all that happy positive jazz, just no questions. 

"Positive things happen to positive people." (My dad... What a smart guy!)

"Everything happens for a reason... Just believe." <3 (my life motto) 

So now... For today, after the IUI, I'm off to NYC for the afternoon/evening to see Cinderella on Broadway!! Mom is visiting for her 60th bday and I wanted to take her to a play. One aunt and 2 cousins are coming too to celebrate, and we've had this day planned for a while. Ironically I had a weird feeling when we got tickets last month that the iui could be today so we got night tickets just in case... Thank goodness!!! Today is also a dear friend's birthday (Happy birthday Carol!!!! <3) and I know that's a good sign bc she's been so supportive. Anyway, so yes, seeing Cinderella on IuI day. The office assured me it's ok to do anything I want today, and going to the city is a fun and calm thing. I'm not running a marathon for goodness sake! :) So I'm excited to spend the night with family and one of the greatest fairy tale stories of all time. <3 

Cinderella has some wonderful quotes, so I find it so fitting for me today! 

You said it, sister! Cinderelly is a smart cookie! <3 

Calling on all positive vibes and good luck charms today!! Quite a few with us today.. 

What I'm wearing: 

-a Team Ricci shirt we designed in Disney a few years ago (Scott's idea, and he's wearing his, too!)

-Kokopelli necklace I borrowed from a friend 2 years ago. 

-fertility bracelet I got last year

-Alex & Ani bracelets from Shmalli (path of life, water lily, and ladybug... All for good luck and guidance)

-lucky socks from a dear Ttc sis, my fav Jersey girl, Vanessa. They're cute knee socks which will keep my legs nice and warm :) Thanks, Vee!! <3

-something pink and something turquoise, my fav colors... And also a share of pink/blue for baby vibes. 

And before I left, I focused on all the fertility symbols and good luck charms I have on my dresser. It's a shrine of sorts, with the following: Triple goddess pic and egg figurine borrowed from a friend, prayer for motherhood card I got as a gift, baby dust from another dear Ttc sis Laura (who just had a BeAUtIfUl baby girl last week!!), an evil eye bracelet to ward off negativity, a pink and blue rainbow loom bracelet from a friend's daughter (just happened to be pink and blue), a figurine of the nativity/manger, a "just believe" sign, a worry doll from Guatemala (I think... A former student has Fam there and brought it back 2 years ago), a few other prayer cards and medals, rosary beads blessed by the Pope (also from Vanessa- her mom came back from Italy recently). I said a prayer, really zoned in on the baby vibes, and we were on our way!! 

The last little ray of sunshine and hope today cane from one of our "nieces". All our close friends' kids are nieces and nephews to us, and my good friend Amy from work has been so so so supportive of Team Ricci from the start. She's a great friend to me and to Scott, and we just adore her daughter Cayleigh, who's about 14 months old. Ever since explaining IUI to Amy, we use the "turkey baster" reference and just laugh at the thought. When I ran to tell her yesterday that it was happening this weekend, she was in shock and so excited for us. "Wait, ThIS weekend?! Turkey baster time?!" (Something like that) She joked that she had to get out her turkey basters at home, which she never uses. Well, this morning she sent us these pics of Cayleigh (who just looks like such a little Cindy-Lou Who... I can't stand it, she is SO cute!!!) 

LOL!!! Scott saw it first and as I was getting ready, I just hear him start cracking up hysterical. He kept saying "oh my god" and laughing. Now I know why, and she granted permission to use these (thank you!!) bc they are just too precious!! Haha!! It cracks me up every time! 

That's it, folks!! Here we go! Positive vibes are appreciated, in all forms. As always, thanks for the support. We are so thankful to have so many people who are such an amazing support group to us.

XOXO,

Stace (& Scott)

Team Ricci <3