Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Male Factor/Female Factor-confusion and madness

It's funny that whenever I hear my wife talk about other people in the infertility area I always hear her talk in the well its male factor or female factor.  Whoever came up with this saying obviously does not have feelings.  I understand that I am the sole reason that we are in this mess, however male factor could possibly be just as bad as saying, "you suck!"  I have no problem telling people that I am infertile, but for some reason whenever I hear male factor I wanna scream.  

Last night, we went in for my pre-op for my Testicular mapping and if you think it sounds bad, well it does.  18 needles mapping out each testicle?!?!?  I'm still uncomfortable grooming!  Well that was not the point that shocked us the most last night.  I feel bad because I kind of snapped at Stace last night because we asked the question of, "if there are any sperm found, do you freeze them and we can use them?"  to which our guy stated no!  He then went on to say it would be another 3-6 months before we could use them.  The look on Stace's face was that she did not want to wait another 3-6 months and I shot her that, "are you kidding me?" look.  It's not her fault though because I first thought it too as soon as he said it.  Then my thoughts went in and said well I can wait another 3-6 months if there is a possibility to utilize my sperm.  By all means, we want to be parents and we want everything to be about us, however we also have realized that it's okay if it has to be with a donor because as I have said in the previous post, it's still is my kid.  So yeah, if they find some it will be another 3-6 months to figure out if we can utilize those swimmers.  

Another shocking part was that last night we had to pay over $3k for the procedure, something that we were not expecting.  Well, last month I sold all of my stock and put some money aside to put into our Baby Fund.  I am just happy that we have the money to pay for this procedure because we were not expecting that, but since I went $23k into credit card debt when I was younger, I have always made sure that I have enough money to take care of anything.  Oh and I paid back all but about $5k of that debt because my dad bailed me out for our wedding gift and put me on a strict payment plan to pay him back---Thanks Dad!  So I said to Stace, why would the Dr. not submit this procedure to insurance?  Every other visit they did?  I am pretty good with money and knowing what to do with it, however when it comes to what to do with insurance and how to submit procedures and what is covered and what is not----I have no clue what to do.  We know that IVF is not covered but some say IUI is covered.  However, do I call the insurance company and say I have a sperm mapping procedure to be done and I was charged this, do you cover it?  I need an advisor to help me with this money...Oh wait that would cost more money?!?!?  Why do some states mandate the insurance companies to pay for infertility and why do some insurance carriers provide it but some do not???  It seems unrealistic, its not like I decided I want to be infertile.  For something that is effecting so many people, why would the insurance companies not pay for it??  Its funny to me too that there is adoption assistance built into our insurance plan but trying to have the baby on your own----your on your own????

Sorry this is just my rambling and I am sure that some get it and others are like what????  I tend to understand both sides and give everyone a shot at explaining their sides and what they bring to the table, but in the insurance world and my fight to have a baby, it seems like I am in a losing battle on all fronts!  You're infertile-time to do tests(meaning time for lots of money to be spent).  You're still infertile after making love to plastic cups over and over again(btw I am 30, grew up in the 90's and 00's, I am not about 70's & 80's culture of material!)--More money...You're still infertile, now you are going to be a pin cushion----lots more money....You're still infertile---insurance isn't going to cover anything----more money.  Compared to the other side, "hey I think we made a mistake and we are pregnant,"  its okay the insurance will pay for pretty much every doctor visit and every hospital stay and when you see that bill and you have to pay $1000 for all of it, thank you for having a baby the natural way, even if you were not trying.

I said this to a lot of people at work lately, "how much is your time worth?"  This was in relation to getting the sale item for Black Friday weekend, but really how much is it?  For me, to have my own baby, I will continue to spend money and after waiting now for almost two years and lots of bills to be in the same place that I was two years ago, its a lot of money.  My happiness is worth whatever I have to spend on it, because my happiness is being able to have a baby with my beautiful wife, that we have been dreaming about ever since we got married.  We waited until we were set with our jobs and house.  We did the right thing and did not rush into it.  Now all we want is to have a baby and be able to come home and take care of it.  Crying-who cares.  Dirty diapers-bring it on.  Spitting up-don't mind if I do.  Baby smell---makes everything worth it.  Baby falling asleep in your arms---makes you feel as if you are not even there.  Having someone to call you mommy and daddy-they can never do anything wrong.  I just want to be able to have these moments and in 4 weeks we will find out if we have to wait another 3-6 months or if we can start in a month!  Either way, I am ready and I can't wait!

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