#NIAW Bloggers Unite Conference~ Day 6
Hosted by Miss Conception Coach
As one part of NIAW, I was asked to be part of a bloggers unite conference this week (thanks to @MissConceptionCoach- see web link above to go to her site/blog). Those of us participating wrote about different angles of infertility, and all pieces are also centered on the theme #StartAsking. I'll be sharing the posts from the other women each day, and one day mine will pop up as well. You can read them all here, on the link above, or at the featured blog itself (which will have a link at the bottom).
Here's yesterday *AND* today's posts, Days 6 AND 7.
#NIAW- Day 6, Bloggers Unite Conference- Share Your Story!
Hey Girl Hey!
My name is Morgan Libero and this is my blog to help promote awareness
and provide support for all things infertility related, with a whole lot of
realness and a little bit of humor (believe me, every bit counts).
We’re surrounded by the most loving and tight-knit support
system of family and friends, but during our journey it still wasn’t enough to
get me through. I was even lucky enough to have been in contact with some
acquaintances who had difficulty trying to conceive. However, I remember countless
hours and nights spent in bed posting and waiting for the response
of someone on the other end of an infertility website, whom I knew
only by screen name and not face, but had felt an immediate connection with.
I thought to myself back then, how when almost one in every eight couples
struggle with infertility, is there not more local support. I made a
promise to myself that if I eventually got my baby, I would basically pay it
forward. My hope is that this blog will allow me to spread my mission and
establish a support group for others in surrounding cities and
towns and eventually founding a non-for-profit organization to provide the
funds for couples who’s insurance won’t cover and/or cannot afford to pay for
IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). Our journey is no more easier or more difficult
than anyone else’s-it is just ours. If you’re not experiencing
infertility, I’m sure you’ve known or will come to know someone struggling and
I hope this blog provides some insight. If you are experiencing infertility,
please reach out to me in whatever way you feel most comfortable and I hope I
can be there to support you throughout your own journey.
I am
thrilled to be part of Miss.Conceptioncoach’s Bloggers Unite Conference this
year in honor of National Infertility Awareness Week and humbled to have been
included with such an esteemed group of women. This year’s theme is
#startasking and I cannot think of a better theme for me, personally, since
this was basically the springboard for my blog, On Prayers & Needles.
During my
journey, I couldn’t help but #startasking how, when 1 in every 8 couples
struggles with infertility, are there not more local support groups available?
I would go to my OBGYN, our fertility doctor, my husband’s urologist, the
chiropractor & acupuncturists’ offices and there would be corkboards
overflowing with every type of group you could name. Yet, the only one I
needed in that moment wasn’t there.
Instead, I
would spend countless hours glued to my cell phone or laptop on BabyCentre,
What To Expect Before Your Expecting, etc., etc. group boards waiting for any
type of a response to the questions I had. Did anyone have success with
Tese for Azoospermia? How many months did you take Clomid before becoming
pregnant? Did you take birth control pills as part of your IVF
protocol? Are these follicle numbers and measurements decent? I’d
wait, to hear from someone I knew only by screen name and not face, someone who
lived in another country, to answer. I’d wait there praying that I’d get
some glimpse of hope that they had been where I was and everything worked
out. And while I appreciated any and all of the support I could get
across the Internet and anywhere else, I yearned for a “safe place” ~a place
where I could sit with women who were or had been in my shoes and we could
discuss all of these things face-to-face over coffee at a local
Starbucks. It was then that I promised myself, if I were ever to receive
my miracle, I would basically Pay-It-Forward by starting a local support
group. That is when this blog was basically conceived (no pun intended).
Fast-forward
to just about two-months ago when I finally revved up the courage to launch On
Prayers and Needles and share my story…
Slowly, I
began to hear the stories of others whom I may or may not have known had
difficulty getting pregnant and it felt very liberating for all of us to
exchange our experiences. Then I even started to receive intermittent
questions from readers asking for more information about meds, doctors,
recommendations for a successful IFV cycle. However, none of these women
(rightfully so) were interested in participating in a local support group,
which led me to #startasking a bigger question: How, when 1 in every 8
couples is infertile, is there still such a stigma and sense of shame in not
being able to conceive naturally?
For anyone
who has been following (thank you) and those of you just tuning in (thank you,
also), I’m sure it is pretty evident that I am an open-book. During our
journey there was never a time when I didn’t feel comfortable saying that we
were struggling with infertility. You might think that is because it was more
of my husband’s “problem”, but I also had my own “issues”. It’s just I
came at it from a different perspective, which was basically if it’s broke, fix
it. If your hip gives out, you replace it. If you have an infection,
you take an antibiotic. If you can’t produce sperm, you find a way
to. Clearly, there is no shame in our game and of course, I’m making
light of all of these situations. They’re not all that easily
resolved. But my mentality was and is, just like anything else in life,
if it isn’t working, you fix it (failing marriage, dead-end job). And
regardless of what anyone’s picture-perfect life appears to be on Instagram,
believe me, there’s something they need or have had to “fix”.
While I completely respect anyone’s choice to keep their
infertility private, I also find it important to #startasking why? Are
you any less deserving of a baby than someone who could conceive without
interventions? In a day in age when science is revolutionary, why wouldn’t
you use the advancements provided to start or complete your family? Even
when religion is a factor, doesn’t your God want you to be a mom?
Don’t you think that someday, if you choose, to explain to your child “how they
were made” that they’ll realize how much you loved and wanted him or her even
before they were born? If someone in your life was struggling with something,
wouldn’t you want them to open up so you could be there for them?
One of the
most touching responses I’ve received since initiating the blog, was an e-mail
from someone who hadn’t shared her story with anyone outside of her immediate
circle. She felt inspired, after reading and relating to mine, to share
her own with me. I read it, tears streaming down my face, hoping that she
could see the beauty in her story that I did. While that wasn’t the
initial intent of the blog, in that moment, I realized that it had served its
purpose in a different way.
The more we
open up and #startasking ourselves and others these tough questions, the more
people will become aware of infertility and all it entails. Once more and
more people #startasking, the dialogue can begin so that we (both those who
have and have not encountered infertility) can better support one
another. I shared my story to get the conversation going, so now I must
#startasking, will you?
Find Morgan and follow her at
onprayersandneedles.org
#NIAW- Day 7, Bloggers Unite Conference- I Still Struggle With Infertility
H E
L L O friends! I am excited to tell you a little about me and my blog. I believe in
happiness, not only going after your dreams but achieving them. We each have
something to contribute to the world, to inspire, and to motivate others! I
believe in smiling till it hurts and dancing every chance you get. Most
importantly I am a wife, a daughter of God, a mother and a woman. Thank you for
stopping by and I hope you find something that helps encourage you. *About
xoxo… my mom signed everything she ever gave me with this and I want to
continue it in my family and with my friends. So it’s not just a silly
signature, it’s tradition.
xoxo
{mrs. smith}
mama +
wifey + dog lover + southern born & bred + baker + ocd + dancer + hot
chocolate addict + adventurer + yogi + nurse + dreamer + friend + pure barre
lover + believer + john mayer junkie + daughter + collector of all things
sparkly + lover of life & god
{meet mr. smith}
ry’s daddy
+ husband + dog obsessed + triathlete + teeth fixer + closet gangnam style
dancer + nor cal native + hunter + italian speaker + sour patch eater +
cinnamon egg cooker + loyal listener + paintballer + old soul + traveler +
scuba diver + peace maker
{they}
are proud
parents to baby ryker + ‘temporarily {for 4 years}’ live in arizona +
own two incredibly clingy dogs {duke & lulu} + love to eat
+ have a netflix addiction
Because I Still Struggle with Infertility
This may
seem crazy to some people but just a few weeks after I had my son Ryker my mind
began thinking about baby #2. Crazy, I know. Even I wanted to grab my shoulders
and shake the nonsense out of my head.
When I told
my husband he didn’t say a word. Not one. No acknowledgment because he knew
what was going through my heart and didn’t want to hurt my feelings by saying
‘No way babe! We are barely getting the hang of this whole parenting
gig!’.
It is SO
early. Baby boy just turned 4 months and here I am wanting another.
I want to devote all my love and attention to the baby that I have and prayed so much for. Will
people think that I am selfish for wanting another baby so soon?
It took us almost 2 years to get pregnant because of my endo journey. In my mind I am calculating that we will have to
get started now if we are going to have our big family with all our kids close
together. {Insert snarky old lady comment: “You know you aren’t getting
any younger…”}
The thing
is – You’ve had a baby. You DID it! You overcame infertility!
Not quite.
To some extent it’s true. I think Ryker is a perfect example of how we beat the
odds one time. But having a baby doesn’t make infertility go away. Do you ever
overcome infertility?
I use to
joke that I had a hostile uterus (hey just like Meredith Grey!) but I am hoping
things may be easier since my body knows what to do and each pregnancy is
different just like each kiddo.
People are
going to #startasking the question that is guaranteed to come up
“When are
you going to have another one?”
And that’s
okay, let them ask. It may scare the poo out of you (can you tell I have a
newborn) or maybe you have learned to let it roll off your back. Either way
here are some reminders to take away…
1.
WHEN NOTHING GOES RIGHT, GO LEFT.
I am type A. I love a good TO DO list, alphabetized and color
coded. I am a planner, always have been always will be but sometimes
there is a far better plan in store. I wanted a baby so bad but it just wasn’t
happening. So, I went back to school and got a second degree, I helped
choreograph a large production for our church and participated in a service
trip abroad that humbled my heart. I was given opportunities that I needed in
order to be a better me. Did I experience loss? Too much. Did I cry almost every
night? You betcha. But I truly believe that if you focus your energy on
learning a new skill, becoming a better wife and mom, cheering on your friends
that do get pregnant with baby 2, 3, and 4, and crying with your friends that
open up to you about challenges they face, it will allow you to be refined for
a better purpose. GO LEFT and you may be surprised what’s in
store for you.
2.
THOSE WHO JUDGE DON’T MATTER, THOSE WHO MATTER DON’T JUDGE
This one is
simple for me to understand but man do I have a hard time applying it. I am
constantly worrying about what people think. Then one day Cameron asked if I
would ever see those people again. How often do I even talk to them? Do they
really know anything about my personality or life? The people that are closest
to you and love you the most are those that are there to support you. They
won’t judge how many children you have or how far apart they are. They will
welcome each child with open arms and a full heart.
3.
ANYTHING WORTH HAVING IS WORTH WAITING FOR
In a world
of instant oatmeal, direct deposits and Amazon Prime it can be challenging to
want something immediately and not be able to have it. I know each child is a
blessing and worth the wait. Refer back to point 1, get out and try something
new to be a better you. In my experience, the unplanned adventures usually turn
out to make the best memories.
4.
MOTHERS ARE NOT DEFINED BY THE NUMBER OF CHILDREN THEY HAVE
When are
you going to start trying?
We try
every night
Just the
one?
Yup one
little miracle.
Wait till
you have three…
We are
grateful for our two.
Now you
need to try for a girl!
Our boy is
just perfect for us.
Hold on,
you have how many kids?!
We couldn’t
be happier.
The thing I have realized is people will always have something
to say about the number of children they see that you have.
“A Mother
is not defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love she holds
in her heart.” – Franchesca Cox
– – – – – –
I hope that
when people #startasking you start telling. Infertility is not something to be
ashamed of, not something to feel guilty about and definitely not something to
apologize for. It sucks, a lot, but you are not alone. Speak up and make your
voice heard. Let’s unite women in each and EVERY stage of motherhood!
xoxo
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