The Two Week Wait

The famous infamous two week wait... 

Two weeks to wait and find out if we are pregnant or not for this cycle. But really, by now, 1 week has already gone by. Two weeks of trying to stay positive and calm. Two weeks of analyzing every single little twinge or symptom your body is going through. Two weeks of driving your husband crazy with said twinges and symptoms. Two weeks of wondering. Two weeks of waiting. Two weeks of constant chatter in your mind and anticipation. Two weeks of pure excitement. Two whole weeks...

Be patient.  Stay calm. Keep yourself busy.  Don't overanalyze every feeling in your body.

Yea, ok... easier said than done!

Honestly, believe it or not, I think I'm doing better than I expected to (just don't ask Scott because I guarantee his opinion will be way different! I think I am totally driving him crazy! Sorry hun... sort of!) ;) Two weeks is a long time to wait, and in our case it's really 16 days to be exact because that's how long from IUI to blood test results. The beta, blood test, is the mac daddy of pregnancy tests. I can pee on a stick but ultimately it's the blood test that is the most accurate. Technically we only need to wait 2 weeks, but that will put us at next Saturday and the nurse pushed it to Monday because of the weekend. I could probably drive out to the further clinic for the blood test on the weekend but since she said Mon, 3/24, I'm sticking with that. She said I could do the home test (POAS~ pee on a stick), but I'm not so sure yet if I will. I'm paranoid of a false positive from fertility meds pre-IUI (even though they should be out of my system by then) and also paranoid of seeing a negative and thinking it's over, to find out Monday it could be positive. The only way to be sure is to do it the right way so I don't think I'm going to cave yet. If I do, it'll be either Sunday or Monday morning because Scott will be home those days too... and waiting til the end of the school day for a phone call could be tough. ...Who am I kidding, by next weekend I'll probably be going insane.

The work week goes by much faster for me because I'm not next to the computer for 24/7 access for answers to my latest crazy question. Googling a symptom, predicted timing of certain feelings, things to look for, things to eat or to avoid, yup I've pretty much used every crazy question and wording to look for different results.  Hopefully this school week will go fairly fast as well, I'll try to keep busy over the weekend, and then it's here. It's not that far to go.

I've had a strong sense of positivity since last Friday, 3/7, the day before IUI. A strong sense of positivity, happiness, calm, excitement, all rolled into one. Just pure endorphins and feeling great. It honestly hasn't left me, overall. I've had a few moments here and there where it's gone to the back of my mind, but overall it's stayed with me and it's like a calm aura surrounds me. Whether this is a good sign or not, I hope it stays with me because I haven't had a headache all week and it's just left me feeling really good.

My dad always told me "Positive things happen to positive people". I believe that whole-heartedly and that's another reason I try to keep that positive glow in whatever I do and wherever I go. I've kept that attitude with me even through the first half of this 2 week wait because, well, it's technically our first real one! We've done the wait thing before, but looking back with our new knowledge in the past year, none of those waits would have resulted in a pregnancy anyway because we were missing one key ingredient. This time is different, there's a real possibility, so therefore I am more hopeful than before.

Scott is worried because I tend to get let down and skim rock bottom when my hopes are soooo high and then we face defeat. While he's somewhat right, I do always pick myself back up. With all our previous attempts, I would get excited, burst into tears every time my period showed up, and be bummed out for the day... BUT I would always process it and pick myself back up, ready to fight stronger the next time. Sure, I will be bummed if this attempt doesn't work, but in reality it's only our first real attempt with sperm. Our first attempt with IUI. Our first attempt in over a year... I can't expect it to work the first time because it's just not the way things work, so I'll head back to the clinic asap and start round 2 right away if needed. But until the determining factor comes our way, I'm fighting like mad with my positive mantras and positive thinking. Good results won't come from being negative. Good results come from being positive. I'm being super hopeful and I know Scoot is fearful of me being unrealistic, but I don't think I've gotten to that point... yet.

As I said in last week's post, I don't plan to announce the results of next week's test. I'm not giving any specifics until the time comes for a happy pregnancy announcement. Of course we hope that's sooner than later, we don't know what the future holds, but this is my thinking for now. Sure I'm being hopeful and looking for lots of signs from the universe (and my body) for signs one way or another, but I'm not posting any of those specifics until the time is right, either way.

If it's a BFN (big fat negative), I don't plan to tell anyone and we will move right into cycle 2 once my next period comes, repeating exactly the same steps we did this time.... repeat, repeat until we get a BFP (big fat positive). Once we get that BFP, I still don't plan to tell anyone, and we'll wait 'til we hit the safe zone of 12 weeks so we don't jinx anything.

The other reason for not wanting to tell everyone right after the test results is it takes the excitement away from sharing the news when the time comes. If everyone asks, they'll be looking for how we react and guess on their own, or start telling others our news, or their predictions. If everyone knows on the day of test results, it rips me of the chance to share the news in fun, creative ways (which we all know is SO my style! =) ). I've been googling cute pregnancy announcement ideas for over 2 years now. If everyone knew right away, where is the fun in that? There isn't any. And because of our struggle and our journey, I feel we will be even more excited than some who haven't struggled, so I don't want the announcement part to have to be less, just because everyone knows the exact weekend conception possibly happened. I know everyone is super excited, and trust me, I am SO grateful for that, but I also want to put ourselves back on even playing field with the rest of the world for at least one part of our journey to parenthood. Super cute announcements are something I've daydreamed about, and if everyone knows immediately, it just deflates that. I'll also ask that when we do start sharing the happy news, whenever the time comes, that you please don't share it with others who may know us. I want everyone close to us to hear it from us, not from another family member or friend. It's our exciting news and I want to share it our way because it's something that means a lot to us and that we'll have to strategize about. It'll be fun and I know everyone will be excited for us but I want it to come from us. If there's someone you want to tell or think we might have forgotten, just ask.

I think that's it. Not much else to report except that we're just a week away from possible life-altering news. After the IUI last weekend, I was in NYC with my cousins and talking to one about motherhood. I suddenly stopped and said "Omg, what did we just do?! This could be real!" Realization set in that I could really, actually, be declared a Mommy soon... AHHH!!! :) :) :) Life-altering, yes.. but also SO unbelievably exciting. We are SO ready for this.

Scott was off yesterday and we went up to New Paltz for lunch. The main reason we went was also because I've been dying to go to this cute little cupcake shop there. We tried their cupcakes at a wine event last month and although they were mini versions, they were the best cupcakes I have ever had. For those that don't know, I am not a big fan of cakes and cupcakes usually. I think it's the frosting.  I hate standard frosting/icing. I used to eat cupcakes upside down when I was little, for this reason. Ever since nursery school, I remember flipping them over and just eating the cake. For my birthday, my mom would make cupcakes for school, and mine was always plain with no frosting. See, I've always been a bit quirky. I will choose ice cream cake over regular cake or cupcakes every time, hands down. I love strawberry shortcake and cakes with fillings (cannoli cake, strawberry custard, chocolate mousse, carrot cake), but that's about it and it's not always my go-to dessert.... Until Moxie cupcakes came into my life. Oh my gosh, these things are just so amazing. They're gourmet cupcakes with all kinds of fun fillings and frosting flavors... and they're just so darn cute. Whenever I do end up pregnant, I have a feeling what some cravings might be... yikes. We stopped yesterday and I fell in love with the place. They had a tic-tac-toe board in the corner by their window-seat cushions, so we sat there and I snapped these pics.. Yum!! 

So, that's it for now, on the two week wait anyway. I'm half-way there. I hope this is all it takes for Baby #1, just given all we've been through so far. I sincerely feel that the universe owes us one. Scott especially. He's been through the ringer more times than is fair. His job is getting eliminated at work, and April 4 is his last day. We just found this out for sure 2 weeks ago. He was only given a heads up of even the possibility of this just a few days before. Every Best Buy store, company-wide, is cutting positions in a few weeks. Every store is losing 1-2 managers, as well as supervisors, district staff, etc. Unfortunately, Scott's the one out in his store. I refuse to think of it as a defeat though. He will hopefully get a severance package and he's been applying everywhere under the sun for a replacement job. I sincerely think that we will be okay and that one day we will realize it's a blessing in disguise. I'm not too fond of the life of a retail wife, specifically on holidays, nights, weekends...  basically every time I'm home and Scott's not. So, with hopefully a better schedule in a new job, we can get some nice quality family time out of this new development. When one door closes, another opens... I'm seeing it as a blessing in disguise and a new opportunity for us. Having said all of that, I feel the universe owes us one. It can't keep kicking Scott while he's down. It's not fair to say you can't reproduce and have children... and then take away his job. Yes that's happening, but I believe there will be a good outcome from it. There just has to be. 

I started reading a book this morning called The Power. I'm not that far in, but it's all about positive thinking and the power behind it. The power of the law of attraction and love. Having positive thoughts will attract positive things, positive people, and positive experiences. Having negative thoughts will attract the same things, negatively. Love is at the center of positivity, and will attract amazing things. With one week left of this crazy ride, and approaching Scott's farewell to Best Buy (and possibly retail), we need to remain positive so that positive things will come to us. Ideally, being a baby and a nice new job with good hours for Scott. None of that is possible with a negative frame of mind, so I'll keep staying positive until both come true for us. 

"The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything."

 This was me, feeling happy and on top of the world just the other night. 

Timing is everything... Just believe and have faith.

I know you're all cheering us on, and thank you so much for that!! We've been so blessed by all the comments and thoughts, prayers from all of our supporters. Please keep in mind that I never tire of hearing people are on our side cheering us on. There's a difference in asking us what results are, and telling us that they're thinking of us. It shows you care and I don't take it as being nosy or annoying at all. It's comforting to know we aren't alone in this and we are appreciative of all forms of support we have received from you all. Thank you times infinity!! 

XOXO,

Stace